The return of the native...

 I am back. Back to the room where I was back in 1974!

Took me around 46-47 years to complete the full circle before coming back to where it all started from.

I am in a state of limbo. Jobless. And almost penniless.

But I am at peace with myself. Secure and relatively stable.

Ah! The travesties and uncertainties of life.

My agyatvas, my hibernation.

 Amongst all this gave a presentation on history taking in a CDE organised by KGMU too. This pic is just to remind me later on in my life of these times. A speaker without a college to represent. Like a vagabond or a freelancer. 

The song "Sochna hai kya, jo hona hai hoga, janae kya hoga Rama re, janae kya hoga humara re?" is what all my life is about now.

Saskun

Saskun is the word used by the nomads in Yarkand, China, for an illusion, where you feel you can see your destination on the horizon, you can feel it, almost touch it, and will be there soon, but in reality you are still far, far away.....

This is the story of my Saskun..........but in reverse.

The year is 1853.

I am standing in the middle of the afternoon, around 2-3pm, on a single lane, black tarred road. All around, the land is barren, dry with scattered patches of brown grass. Something pretty similar to Khajurao or Jhansi. Semi desert landscape. And it's all hot and dusty due to summer time. The sky is clear and has a whitish haze due to the heat.
The road goes straight and right ahead is a white rectangular pillar around 2 feet wide and 6 feet high on the left side of the road. There is a small square platform on top and then a round white structure on top.
There is a white boundary wall on the left, but on the right side of the road there is neither a post or a boundary wall. That side consists of a thick foliage of trees. The road after the so called entrance turns towards the left and the rest of it is hidden by the wall.
After the turn the driveway becomes straight and has thick trees on the right for 20 meters or so. And on the left there is the wall and dry grass. As I move on there's this huge white villa on the right side, facing South. The house is a single storied structure and is rectangular. A semi parched lawn is there in front of the house with some rose bushes and other plants on the sides and the driveway after turning right into the porch does not continue ahead.
The porch has 3 or 4 tall cylindrical pillars which taper towards the top. The base of the pillars is made up of 3 squares of decreasing sizes. There are 3 doors to the entrance and the middle one is functional. It is made up of mahogany dark brown wood and has two shutters along with movable slits in the top panel.
As I enter there is a cool dark hall and on the left side of that hall there is a pista green double door with rough peeling paint and the white paint below is visible in patches. This is my room I know. And though I don't go inside I know there is a queen size poster bed inside facing the window opening towards the front of the house. The bed has some kind of a cloth roof. Maybe some kind of a mosquito net. The one window opens into the front of the house and has two shutters and is made up of double layer of small, clear glass squares, around 4 or 5 in number vertically. There is some significance attached to a writing desk of dark wood in my room with a sloping panel on top and multiple small drawers in the front, followed by a flat portion for writing, because I see it very clearly. This is the pre-electricity times as I don't recollect any fan or light inside the house. There is no attached bathroom to my bedroom so maybe this was the time of outhouses and washrooms at a distance from the main house. Just ahead of my room, around 6-7 steps away there is a brown stone staircase turning perpendicular and of about 8 stairs. It leads to a passage where other members of the family stay. Just next to it, at a lower level, is a gallery going towards the kitchen or the pantry.I see the back of a male servant in white going there.
I am Aditya Rai (or Rao) around 35 years old. Dark, 5'9" in height, moderate built, black hair, and shiny, maybe because of some kind of hair oil in them. I am wearing a long white kurta and an elaborately tied white starched dhoti with pleats and all in the front panel. We are some kind of land owners, kind of zamindars, hence I feel the title Rai.
I am married to Parvati. She is also dark, shorter and slim. Obviously younger. I see her in a green blouse and red/orange saree. Very conventional and traditional. I recollect some kind of a religious ceremony, maybe my marriage where I am wearing beads of white flower buds with two strands hanging from the side of my head.
Gatti is the younger daughter, around 5 years old, very chirpy and all smiles. She reminds me of Jai. And I of course love her to bits. And the name is Gatti, I double checked it, not Guddi, but Gatti. Just looking at her in my trance brought a smile on my face.
In the gallery mentioned above where there are rooms some one called Deodhar lives. He intimidates me to some extent as I was a bit uncomfortable thinking about him and could be an elder brother or father.
Next to the house, on it's left there is a teak plantation and admist the trees there are two huts made up of mud walls and thatch roof. These are for servants of the house hold. In one of these huts there is an old man called Kaptun (vernacular of Captain?) who stays there with his wife and is the trusted man friday of the household. He is thin, short, white hair and very dark.
I have no recollection of any automobiles so it could be a time period in the late 18th century. Or some where very remote in the countryside because the roads were tarred.
I do not see any calamity of any kind so most probably we live up to a ripe old age.
That is all I remember for now. After the main bulk the rest comes in bits and pieces. The funny part was that it all started from the writing desk. It really holds the key to my past, wherever it is.
The other day the word Archana river popped into my mind. I googled it but couldn't find any mention of any such river. Then by chance I came across Archana hills in Chattisgarh. There is a Achanakmar wildlife sanctuary too in Mungeli district. Topographically it matches the area I have imagined.

 I also see a white structure with a big dome on top. I went on the net with a fine tooth & comb and came up with some interesting facts to tally with my imagination. Yet on another day I turn around from the place I am standing right in the beginning and I see that the road is going straight to a small cluster of houses at a walkable distance. There is this huge banyan tree and a few tall, thick trees clustered in that village surrounded by the barren landscape. A white temple spire can be seen next to the banyan tree on the left side of the settlement. I can not see any houses or people but I know there is a well and a small settlement. I even knew the name of that place then, but forgot to write down then and have forgotten it now. I hope it comes back soon. This could be all true, or all a figment of my subconscious, but whatever it is, it is intense and very real.
Nonetheless, it was an amazing, once in a life time, experience and in a way it changed me forever........
My own Parallel Universe! Add on 1: Pimpri is the name of the village that you come to after leaving the house. It is straight down the road and has a huge banyan tree, a white washed temple with a tall spire and a few houses.

2. After 7 years I dreamt about that time again. To add to the surprise was my being in Bhilai, Chhattisgarh. There was a kind of balcony extending from the front left side of the house. The space space was covered, around 6-7 feet in width and the floor was hexagonal in shape. There was a kind of thick iron chicken meshwork screen on the tall 5 arches which extended from the high roof to the floor. The floor was grey cemented or reddish in colour. The meshwork was most probably for monkeys or thieves as the small verandah was directly connected to house, by a small gallery, without any gate in between.

God of dreams

Religion, gods or places of worship have never figured in my dreams. So by that by parameters my dream last night was extraordinary.

I dreamt I had gone to Tirumala temple during this Lockdown and it was almost empty. I have been to Tirupati just once and at that time I refused to go up to the temple. So whatever I saw within the temple was a figment of my imagination. There were just 4 people from a family ahead of me, an elderly gentleman with his wife and two more ladies. They were to the temple authorities cause they walked right into the sanctum santorium. Looking at them go even I thought of walking inside with them but changed my mind. 

I saw a huge statue or bust of Vishnu made up of some black stone and a lingam of similar dimensions and stone behind it. The thought that both Vishnu and Shiv are one stuck me at that time. The thought impacted me deeply.

Afterwards on the way back a guy told me that there was a swarm of angry bees blocking the passage through a large stony cave. I peeked in and saw the angry buzzing bees filling up the whole of the huge passageway. That guy told me that there's another way down the hill and took me to it. It was getting dark and the way down looked isolated and tricky so I refused to take it despite being told that it's the only way. While walking back to the sanctum I asked a young bald, boy in a saffron dhoti if there was another way down and he took me to a fire escape kind of a stairway which was made of concrete stairs and went all the way down.

The boy seemed like an apprentice young priest around 10-11 years old and escorted me all the way down.

I woke up in the morning wondering what was it I had dreamt and it's significance.

Ghost(s)?

I have been brought up on Ghost stories of the Gangetic planes from the mid of nineteenth century. There was this lady in a white sari in Allahabad who would appear on the terrace of the house at midnight where death used to come calling within a couple of days of her appearance. There was the famous man/men with horses hooves for hands in Lucknow.

These were all stories from my childhood of days (nights?) much before my time. I now stay in a well lit, huge tree lined, park facing neighborhood of educated people. 

Everything that you take for granted as signs of civilisation and modern times can appear like a thin veneer to the primal past at times. I had a minor glimpse of this yesterday.

I think it started in the afternoon when I noticed red thread tied multiple times around a huge tree in the park with vermilion and turmeric rubbed on it. I found it a bit strange and mystic but forgot about it after a while. 

Late at night while walking Alex after his meal he came up to a house at the end of the lane where his friend Jenni used to live. She was a 2 year old Golden Labrador who passed away suddenly around a month back. Alex goes to her gate still, everyday and gently whines while wagging his tail and looking at a spot as if he can see her/something there. It's a bit spooky, but she was a sweet kid so not so scary. He needs to coaxed away from her gate everynight. 

Just as I was about to get back to my gate I saw a kind of mini commotion outside my next door neighbours gate. He is an executive in Airtel and seems to be waiting for me. 

The first thing he said to me is that there is a problem. I thought my boys would've broken something while retrieving the shuttle cock from there terrace in the evening. But it turned out to be something else. 

He said that there has been this lady who has been coming to their gate deep into the night and peering inside. His boys and nephew had seen her thrice and he had even called the police regarding this. According to the description it was a stalky woman in a ghagra choli who walks up to their gate, peers inside and then disappears. I had nothing to say to this and was totally flummoxed as to how to respond to this. He seemed a bit worked up and a bit shaken up. 

I told him about the tree, thread and turmeric but he had an idea about who did it and when. Then he told me about a 3 storeyed yellow house across the park where a middle aged lady stays with her daughter. I had noticed that the house is always dark and looking at it you can't say whether it is habitated or not. He said that the lady has been deserted by her husband and there is something not good about that place. 

Here I was, all oblivious to my surroundings, happy with my cocooned life, and there I was in the midst of a semi-horror plot with proper spirits, ghosts and witches, within a matter of minutes. 

One thing is there. You might be all secure in your faith in modern world with all the bright lights and wi-fi broadband, but it just takes a person who is deeply convinced about occult and evil to rock your boat for that night at least.

Cycling sensibilities- 3

Not about sensibilities but more about silliness and it's related consequences.
Yesterday morning while cycling along Kathauta lake I came across a Durga Puja pandal near the pump station, which was being taken down. Like a hero (or an idiot) I cycled through it and almost at the end of the pandal the right brake of my cycle got stuck in a white curtain.
The bike turned right with a jerk and I found myself flying in the air. It all felt as if it was happening in slow motion.
Somehow, instinctively, I had the sense to roll over on my back, duck my head and break the roll with my palms to break the momentum of the fall. I got up as soon as my roll got to a stop.
I was a bit shaken and mildly bruised. Gave myself a once over, picked the bike and got back on the road. I realised that my right palm was bleeding a bit once I got moving on the cycle. Was contemplating whether to proceed with the cycling or go back home and dress my wounds when my thought went towards the cell I use to calibrate my cycling route, distance covered, calories burnt and time. The Samsung cell was not in the pocket of my shorts!
I realised that it must have slipped off when I fell down and as it had been more then 10 minutes since then my chances of finding it seemed remote.
Trudged back to the spot with a heavy heart, ruing this day and morning. I reached the spot and was pleasantly surprised to see my cell on the road!
The screen had cracked but the cell was functioning! So there was a silver lining in the dark cloud after all.
I was all fine the whole day, except for the minor twitches when the cloth brushed against the multiple bruised areas in the legs and palms. It was only when I lay down in bed at night that I realized that my left bum aches. I must have landed on it pretty hard.
Thought of going for a spin in the morning today but then I felt my body deserves a break for a day atleast.

Analysis of Misogynistic asshole

The other day I was called to the Principal office to enquire about a written complaint submitted by an intern about her batchmate.
The guy when he turned up for questioning was pretty chilled out about the whole thing. Was smiling in-between and had a cavalier attitude about the proceeding.  He had threatened the complainant that he will strip her and will pull her tongue out. He felt it was a minor thing and an unnecessary fuss is being created about it. It was only when I shouted at him in the end that he was able to grasp the seriousness of the situation.
We submitted the report after enquiring from the rest of the batch and the facts tallied with the one written in the complain.
Now today when he was given the formal letter from the Principal office that he came to me.
He was all repentant and crying today. What amazed me was the way his thought process worked. For one he imagined himself to be the victim. He quoted about another Professor who had been chucked out for sexual misdemeanor expecting me to be sympathetic. When I said he should have been kicked out a long time back he was taken aback.
Then he took the track of how the complainant doesn't do any work and goes around with guys outside. I asked him if the other 9 people in his batch had no issue with it, why is he so bothered? He had nothing to say.

3 wishes

In most of the fairy tales 3 wishes are granted for a good deed. It's a pretty standard ploy. Not 2 or 4 or 10. Just 3.
I had a similar experience a couple of days back though unfortunately no one told me that my wishes were about to come true.
First one was about shoes. I had been passively obsessing over getting a new pair for Alex's morning walk after the older one seemed to be on their last leg (no pun intended). 3 pairs had bitten the dust in as less as 9 months. I had fond memories of the my white school PT sneakers. They were from "Power" and with their thick canvas cover and a tough rubber soul were practically indestructible. I was thinking where would I be able to get them and if they were still available.
Well anyway, moving on, we went to Spencers later in the day and there, right in front were similar sneakers, that too in blue colour and
on a 70% discount!!!

In the second wish, I had been after John Wick - Chapter 3 since it was released a month back. I missed its release by a day in Lucknow, the timing was not right in Delhi and didn't realize it was playing in a multiplex next to my hotel. Looked it up as soon as we got back from Kashmir. There was just one show running and that too in Phoenix, which is a good 20kms from my place. Got on the app to book it and turned out to be House Full!!! Plus there was no show for the day after. Disheartened I put my mobile aside.
After my luck with sneakers I opened up the app once again and saw that there was a show today also in the same theater and booked my ticket in a jiffy. I got a discount of almost 30% on this too.

My third wish was something like a late release response. While going up the escalator to the theater in the mall I saw the Hanes shop whose tracks and boxers I usually buy. I thought if only there was a sale I would have definitely bought something. But it wasn't there.
On my way back after the movie I just gave a cursory glance towards the showroom and there they had put up a 20% discount sign board! Well needless to say I did from my shopping from there.

I realised the chain of events only while reminiscing about the day at night just before going to sleep. If only I would have known that 3 of my wishes would be coming true, things could have been so different today!